Looking back on my life, I can see an intricate web of experiences God used to shape my character, direct my future, and ultimately bring me to the point I am at right now. It’s comforting to know that there is a plan, that I am not simply “spinning my wheels.” Even in the past few months, correction, especially in the past few months, I’ve reached points in my life where the only question I could think to ask of God was “What are you doing?” It’s not that I thought God was absent, or that He couldn’t possibly understand my current situation, but I simply couldn’t understand what God was doing in my life. I am continually reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9:

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

When I took a job as a companionship caregiver for the elderly following my college graduation, I took the job assuming it would only be temporary. I knew God called me to use the education and experiences He blessed me with in order to further the gospel. I didn’t know exactly how that was going to happen, but when my heels clicked noisily across the platform to receive my degree on December 18, 2004, I was confident graduate school was the means by which I was going to fulfill God’s calling on my life. I was going to study public policy and eventually combine my passion for writing and justice to influence the world for Christ. This in mind, graduating a semester early seemed both a blessing and a curse. Sure, I saved about ten thousand dollars, but at the same time, I had roughly five extra months to fill before I would begin classes toward my Masters.

I don’t remember exactly why I took a job caring for the elderly. I was never interested in pursuing a profession in the medical field and the pay wasn’t anything to write home about. I guess I just convinced myself it was only temporary, and it was a job. I could only sit still for so long before finding something to do with my time after graduation, and this job just sort of availed itself. Over the course of my employment as a companionship caregiver, God made it clear to me the reason I was there.

For five months, I took care of a remarkable eighty seven-year-old woman who will not be forgotten. Her life left an imprint on mine, and my sincere hope is that God used me to bring her to himself. Since her passing, I’ve spent hours agonizing over whether or not she knew Christ. In this life, I realize I will never know. Considering the time I had with her, sometimes I wonder if my words and my life were enough. I truly believe God put me in her home to give her another opportunity to accept him, and I learned a valuable lesson. I learned to take advantage of any and every opportunity to share the gospel. I learned that I never again want to feel the anguish of wondering if I could have said more. Simply put, God’s ways are not mine, and even though I couldn’t understand how rubbing lotion on an old woman’s feet would make the slightest bit of difference in the world, in that moment, I think that is exactly where God could best use my life. God also changed my heart about attending grad school in the fall. I never would have guessed I would be working as an Overseas Correspondent for the International Mission Board come this October, but His ways are higher, and for that I am thankful.